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A Pessimistic Analysis of the Warcraft Trailer

A Pessimistic Analysis of the Warcraft Trailer

You know well that I believe that video games should be video games, and movies should be movies. It’s my life philosophy. In short, it’s because video games put you in the place of the main character, so don’t really offer fantastic characters to watch/pay attention to/love. Think of Prince of Persia

This in mind, let me complain about the upcoming Warcraft. The newest trailer has recently been revealed, so let’s judge it together:

It starts out simply enough: landscapes. Who doesn’t love hiking and landscapes? You don’t, not really. It’s at least 30% of why we like Lord of the Rings. For the forests.

Then: “something is coming” / “dark forces are upon us.”

The trouble I have already with this trailer is that: who is the villain? We know there is the Horde and the Alliance, and the Horde is “kind of the bad guys” because they are uglier and have cities with dust streets instead of like, cobblestone with little hearts and “I love you’s” carved into it. So when they say “something is coming,” they really mean like, “people who aren’t 12 and have gryffindors are coming.”

The next shot shows some Horde classics with long braids saying “our world is dying. There is nothing to go back to.” Presumably, they are talking about some Alliance level 100 guarding a Horde level 10 farm zone. 

(THEN GRODY ORC BABY SHOT: EEK! GET BETTER ANIMATORS!)

So the trailer kind of establishes the following: orcs have a problem and may need human help. Because their homeland is getting eaten up by high taxes? We don’t know for sure. Then the orcs meet the humans in between two cliffs which look exactly like the kind of thing I would accidentally fall off and die between trying to kill some saber tooth whatever. 

Humans and orcs working together?! Nope. Not in my WoW. Also, how many shots did there need to be of a dude riding a gryffindor? We get it, you are high enough of a level to have a flying mount. No need to brag.

In summary, it seems like they are trying to bring both sides together in a roaring adventure with no established villain other than “land going missing.” So this will be the most unexciting movie of all time because we already know they are going to breach their differences and come together: orc + human. 

I’m sad to announce that the new Warcraft movie looks just as lame as I predicted, which was -100 on a scale of 1-10. This was 2 minutes of “no thank you” in my book.  

Am I going to see the movie? Unless they can whip up a better trailer, I won’t watch it except through devious illegal ways, or at a friend’s house if they tape my eyes open. You know the drill. No more video game movies!

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