I hope that you’re spending today warm and toasty inside of your house with Thanksgiving leftovers, and not fresh from the war zone of a mall. Thousands of cars, millions of angry ladies, and deals that may or may not be worth getting trampled to death.
Unfortunately for me, Mother insists we go to an enormous mall at 3 or 4 in the morning. I’m serious about this. I have about $10 to spend anyways, poor as I am, and will probably cry through the whole experience.
But no matter if you are going to Hell or just sitting at Home, there is definitely a “right way” to shop for video games pre-Christmas. Here is how to strategize, in the proper order as befitting of such an illustrious day.
#1: Plan Your Attack
Open your bank account online and see how much money you have. $60 and some loose change? Maybe it’s time to hunt in the bargain bin of Wal-Mart. $100? Now we’re talking. You can afford a video game! Maybe only one video game, but that still counts! Make sure you count exactly how many nickels, dimes, and quarters you have to shop with. Memorize that number like it’s your Social Security.
The most important thing I have to say about priorities is that, because this is a day celebrating capitalism, don’t buy presents for anyone else but yourself. Hand-make your gifts this year, or just slap some paint on something and make it pretty. No one deserves to enjoy Grand Theft Auto V but you. You’re the best. You’ve earned it.
#3: A Word on Consoles
I hate to say this, but now is the time to go for “bigger” video game purchases. You might save like, ten bucks on a video game you’ve wanted to play. But you will probably save $100 on the console you’ve been dreaming of all year. Don’t make the same mistakes as I do all of the time: buy your consoles around Christmas. Save money, live forever!
#4 The Final Word on Actual-Games
Before you take to Amazon and justify a game purchase because you’re saving a couple bucks, look deep into your heart and check out digital Black Friday deals on Steam. I guarantee that those games, being digital, will be so cheap that your head explodes. If you have any cash left over from consoles, use the rest for games. You can probably get like 5 great ones in the place of 1 interesting console title that people have been talking about hither and thither.
What will I be buying, you demand? Apparently, PS4 controllers are going to be marked down at Game Stop. This is my “big purchase” because I have no money whatsoever. I will tell the poor worker who is forced to be here a hearty “hello!” from the internet.